The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
—Marcel Proust

I adjusted my red sweater so that it rested just off my shoulders and my thoughts drifted back to my old fantasy of being a size 6 that used to replay in my mind every time I was about to start a new diet. Cherished as the fantasy was, I am very happy being who I am today. No way a size 6—not even my feet are a 6—but I’ve lost enough weight that I can rest a small object in the little nook in my collarbone. Now as I check out my reflection in the mirror I can’t help thinking about how much my life has changed.

When I slimmed down to a svelte 190 my world turned upside down. (Yes, I said slim. Let’s face it, when you were 500-plus pounds for most of your life, 190 is bikini weight.) Whether you’ve lost fifteen pounds, fifty, or a hundred, now that you have lost weight, you are probably seeing yourself, other people, and the world in a different light. This stranger in a strange land sensation can totally take you by surprise and trigger a wide range of emotions. Any time you make a big change, you need time to adjust to the new you. For example, for the first year or so after I lost weight, whenever people offered to pick me up and give me a ride somewhere, I’d ask them if I could fit in their car. I wish I had photos of the looks on their faces! It was hilarious when I asked that question to people who never knew me when I was heavy because they were so bewildered by the question that they had no idea what to say. After a pregnant pause, they gave me answers that had nothing to do with my size. They’d say things like, “I have a sedan,” or “There’s only four of us going. There will plenty of room.” Every now and again, I still catch myself having those kinds of concerns because I don’t always remember what size I am now.

Even though I’ve kept my excess weight off for more than five years, I’m still afraid that I could gain it all back. When I look in the mirror, I can still see the woman who couldn’t fit in an airplane seat. I can still feel her enormous shadow looming over me. She is a force to be reckoned with and she’s always right behind me. If you have a fat shadow chasing you, you’ll be glad to know that this chapter is the first step toward a brighter future. As I’ve said, the secret to winning is to work from the inside out, which is difficult for a “beauty maven”! But it’s impossible to do it in reverse, and have it last.

Step 1 is about letting go of the old you and celebrating the new you. In this chapter you will look at the way your life is changing now that you’ve shed your weight, and begin learning how to set better boundaries and speak your truth, instead of swallowing it. You will also learn how to deal with stress and how to expand your focus from your body to a much bigger picture so you can have a love affair with the world.

Ready? Okay, let’s go. The first step in winning after losing is appreciating and celebrating the new you. Easier said than done, no? But you have to know who you were when you were heavier and who you are now. Are your hopes, dreams, and goals the same as they were the day you started to lose weight? Or have they changed? You need to go over this in your mind and really be clear about it. Life has a way of changing things when you least expect it. Having this awareness will give you a chance to set some new goals and applaud yourself for those you have already achieved.

Just about everyone who’s lost weight knows that the number of pounds they’ve shed isn’t as important or impressive as how long they’ve kept them off. So whether you’ve been maintaining for one day, ten years, or more, every day of success is worth celebrating! Every new thing you get to experience as a result of having a healthy, fit body is also worth celebrating, and so are the things you couldn’t do when you were heavier that you’re able to do again now. Whether that means being able to zip up your favorite jeans, walk up a flight of stairs without losing your breath, or fit more comfortably into an airplane seat, it’s important to give yourself credit and appreciate your success. Members of the Winners’ Circle shared the following list of things that they feel most proud of. See how many of these examples you can celebrate and make your own list in your Winners’ Circle Workbook!

Winners’ Circle Accomplishments

Petra—Self-control.

Paul—Attractive women smile at me instead of looking right through me.

Sherry—My health. I just had an excellent health report from my doctor.

Margaret—I look in the mirror and love the person I see there.

Joey—I felt sorry for the old me, but I didn’t like him that much. I love who I am today.

Emily—I feel comfortable in my own skin. I am able to walk without losing my breath.

Stephanie—I’m proud that at the age of fifty-seven, I still get mistaken for being my daughter’s sister rather than her mother. And unlike many of my friends who are my age, I have no serious health problems.

Jande—I realized I used to have no integrity with myself. Now I’m accountable to myself, and that feels really good.

Mark—I used to think that if I lost weight my life would have too many restrictions. It’s unbelievable to me that I actually have so much more freedom. I’m proud that I made myself lose weight, even though I didn’t know then how much fun being healthy and in shape would be.

Vicki—I feel proud that my body is healthy and that I am more fit and toned than ever before. From a purely cosmetic perspective, I also love the way I look in my clothes.

Yvonne—I like having a closet of size 4s and 6s. Best of all, I feel very confident in any social setting. I’m not embarrassed about taking pictures anymore and I feel confident in a bathing suit—in public!

Larry—I’m proud that all my friends are continually amazed by my ability to take it off and keep it off. I am healthier and feel better. My endurance and stamina are fabulous, and I don’t need to keep buying larger clothes!

Karen—Even when everything else in my life spins out of control (as it is now!) I am able to maintain control over my body.

Dawn—I have been able to complete three half marathons, and I have so much more self-confidence than I used to.

Patrick—I look at exercise and maintaining my weight as a personal challenge and a constant process for me to keep striving and improving myself.

Florence—I love the way I look and feel, and even though life always presents challenges, I feel strong enough to face them and do what I need to do.

In addition to celebrating yourself, this is the perfect time to appreciate and celebrate all the people who have helped you make it to this point. Make a list of everyone, from your partner to your friends, kids, coworkers, neighbors, relatives, and pets, who has played a part in your success. Thank each of them for their contribution to your personal growth and weight loss. In some cases you’ll be thanking them for what they did and in other cases you’ll be thanking them for what they didn’t do. “Thank you for taking care of the kids so I could go to the gym.” “Thank you for not bringing home potato chips or ice cream!” You’ll probably find that many of the people who supported you while you were losing weight will also be willing to play a supportive role in your weight maintenance. The maintenance battle is rarely won alone, so welcome the people who love you to help you to keep winning. (In chapter 3, you’ll have a chance to recruit your Winning Team.)

Aside from the people in your daily life, you might also want to participate in some online discussion groups or chat rooms for people who are losing or who have lost weight. Sometimes it’s easier to share what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling with people who don’t know you. There’s something to be said for being anonymous!

As a starting point to seeing the similarities and differences between the old and the new you, Dr. Jane Greer suggests that you answer the following questions to give you a snapshot image of who you were and who you are now. She says, “Relax and let whatever thoughts pop into your mind guide you to your answers. Usually the first thing that crosses your mind points you in the right direction.”

The Old Me
I used to see myself as:
Most of all I wanted to be:
More than anything, I wanted to be able to:
Every day I hoped:
If I had one wish it would have been:
My favorite dream for my future was:

The New Me
Now I see myself as:
Most of all I want to be:
More than anything, I want to be able to:
Today I hope:
Now I wish:
My favorite dream for my future is:

Your own answers to those questions are the only ones that matter, but I’m sharing Marlene’s answers to give you an example of how to do the exercise. Marlene has been in the Winners’ Circle for three years.

The Old Me
I used to see myself as: shy and unsociable
Most of all I wanted to be: liked and accepted
More than anything, I wanted to be able to: feel good about myself
Every day I hoped: something would happen to give me the strength to lose weight
If I had one wish it would have been: to be thin
My favorite dream for my future was: going to my twenty-year class reunion as a size 6

The New Me
Now I see myself as: confident and friendly
Most of all I want to be: healthy, mentally and physically
More than anything, I want to be able to: reach the career goals I set for myself
Today I hope: I live long enough to do all the things I want to do
Now I wish: I could help everyone who is overweight to experience the freedom and natural high of being in good shape and in control
My favorite dream for my future is: to keep living every day as if it’s my first and my last!

I knew my invisibility cloak was gone when a cab driver dodged three lanes of traffic to pull over and pick me up. In the past, I would watch one empty cab after another drive right by as if I wasn’t there. (Imagine, if you will, being invisible at 500 pounds. It’s an oxymoron, like the term “jumbo shrimp”!) The differences in the way people treated me once I lost weight were probably gradual changes, but I remember feeling like it happened overnight. One day people avoided making eye contact with me and the next day they were smiling at me and starting conversations for no apparent reason. One day when I was walking down a street in Manhattan by myself, a good-looking guy bought flowers from a street vendor and gave them to me along with a compliment and his phone number. That blew my mind.

Both the men and the women in the Winners’ Circle know how dramatic it can be to go from being invisible to getting noticed, and not only by strangers and acquaintances, but also by family and friends. Even though they agree that most of the new attention is positive, some of them struggle with it because it makes them feel more vulnerable and exposed. Others have faced new challenges because their partners feel threatened by their new level of attractiveness, or the jealously of siblings and friends has driven a wedge into what used to be close relationships. Former “eating buddies” feel rejected by their thinner friends’ new way of life and sometimes try to deliver them back into the jaws of temptation by showing up with cakes, pies, and junk food. We’ll cover the emotional aspects of dating and navigating close relationships without your invisibility cloak in chapter 3, but for now, I think you’ll appreciate hearing a little about what your peers and mentors in the Winners’ Circle have experienced.

Mark said, “When women started checking me out, at first I would turn around to see who they were looking at, or I’d discreetly check my zipper because I thought maybe my fly was open. Seriously. I’m not kidding. I did that for a few months. I was fat for the first thirty years of my life, so when women started smiling at me and sometimes even flirting, I had no idea what to do. I felt like a schoolboy all over again, and not in a good way!”

Joshua, who had been married for ten years, said his wife Sheila had a very hard time with his new visibility. “I was in shape when we got married, but after years of having a desk job and hardly ever working out, I gained about twenty-five pounds. After I lost weight, Sheila noticed that other women—attractive women—were checking me out. A couple of times when we were in nightclubs, other women hit on me right in front of her. But instead of being mad at them, she took it out on me, like I was somehow asking for the attention and advances. Sheila is gorgeous and has no reason to be jealous of anyone, but for the first year after I lost weight, I think she sort of wished I’d put it back on. She’s settled down now, but she still doesn’t like it when other women look at me with open admiration.”

Some of the married women said they felt very uncomfortable making eye contact with men when they first lost weight because they didn’t want to be tempted by the attention from attractive men and they didn’t want to lead them on. Paula said, “I was worried that after I lost weight I’d have to deal with men’s advances, but not one man came knocking on my door! Sometimes I could see men checking me out, but none of them ever came up and talked to me or asked me out. It was funny in a way because that was one of the things I worried most about before I lost weight, and since it never happened, I worried about it for nothing.” Karen, a happily married woman in the Winners’ Circle, said she wasn’t concerned because she knew that whatever happened, she wouldn’t stray from her marriage, so she was able to relax and enjoy the compliments. She said, “More men hit on me now and it’s the more attractive men, not the slobs who think that because a woman is fat she’ll be honored to be honked at or whistled at by anyone.”

Kathy, who has been married for fourteen years, said, “For the past five years, when I was at my heaviest, my husband had every excuse for not making love with me. When he started paying attention to me again, and making moves to get me back into bed with him, I felt happy and pissed off at the same time. It was really confusing. I mean, there I was the same person I’d always been, but when I was forty pounds heavier, he could hardly look into my eyes or kiss me. It took a few months of couples’ therapy to get us back on track and to help me get over my feelings of anger and rejection. It was worth every hour and dollar we put into it. All I can say is that staying stuck in your anger isn’t any better than staying stuck in your fat. Find a way to get over it and get on with what’s most important to you. Now when my husband checks me out or when he gives me a whistle or a wink, I love it and I don’t hesitate to make the most of the moment.”

Most of the single women ate up the new attention they got from men, but some of them said it scared them because it made them want to pursue every opportunity and some were worried that they’d throw all caution to the wind and take chances they knew they shouldn’t take. Kim said, “The first few times that handsome men hit on me, I wanted to strip my clothes off right then and there. The reaction was so intense that it sort of freaked me out. I won’t go into details, but I will say that I did some really stupid and careless things in those first few months! One of my close girlfriends said I was acting like I was a teenager again and she didn’t mean it as a compliment. One of my older brothers told me I was dressing like a hooker. That pissed me off so much that I wouldn’t talk to him for a few days. But eventually the comments from people I trusted started adding up, and I had to admit I was out of control. I’m just lucky that I finally got ahold of myself before anything really bad happened.”

Gina said she lost two of her best friends along with the extra pounds. She said, “One of them was heavy and we used to pig out together and she’s still into that, so I can sort of understand why she doesn’t want to go out with me anymore and sit there eating a whole pizza herself while I have a salad and a diet Coke. It still bothers me, though, because I never judged her or said she should lose weight. Just because I don’t want to eat like that anymore doesn’t mean that I’m putting her down for doing it. I have no idea what happened with my other good friend. She’s always been thinner and prettier than me, even now, so it can’t be jealousy. We used to hang out, go to movies together, and talk on the phone for hours sometimes. Now whenever I call her she always says she’s busy and has this or that she has to do and she says she’ll call me soon, but she never does.”

A very important part of succeeding in your goal to maintain your weight loss is learning how to speak up and say what you’re thinking and feeling. Most of the people I know who struggle with their weight also have trouble being assertive and saying what they want to other people. It’s almost as if they don’t think they deserve to have opinions, or that they don’t have a right to say what they think. This seems to go hand in hand with having low self-esteem and being people pleasers. They want so much for other people to accept them and like them that they’re afraid to say anything that might upset someone else, no matter how many things these other people might say that upset them. Learning to appreciate yourself more, including your opinions, and being willing to set better boundaries with other people are important steps toward feeling good about yourself and creating the mind-set you need to maintain your weight loss.

Margaret, who has been in the Winners’ Circle for several years, says, “I used to play this whole tape in my head that people didn’t like me and wouldn’t accept me. I didn’t think anyone cared about my opinions or what was important to me. I wouldn’t even give them a chance to reject me; I’d do it for them. Now I go into social situations feeling more confident in myself. Whether people like me or agree with me doesn’t matter to me as much as it did before—even if I get a brush-off. Before, it would have crushed me. Now, I can get past it.”

My therapist, Amy Ojerholm, says, “Learning to find and use your authentic voice is an important part of mental health and can support your goal to maintain a healthy weight.” Here are some helpful ideas for finding your own voice and speaking your truth to others in a way that they will be able to hear what you’re saying. Learning these skills will add a few more coping mechanisms to your repertoire, both in dealing with people you already know and when you are confronted by new people and situations that you are not yet comfortable with. These skills will also help you to communicate more effectively and assist you in setting healthy boundaries.

One activity that is really healthy for everybody is writing in a journal. Amy explains, “Journaling offers a variety of benefits, but one of the most important is that by writing down your thoughts and feelings you are giving yourself credit as being a valid audience. Many people think, ‘Why write in a journal? I’m the only one who’s ever going to read it. Who cares what I have to say?’ But the act of writing and reading what you’ve written can be very healing, especially if you’re someone who struggles to identify what you’re feeling or why you’re feeling it. Journal writing is a great tool in learning to better understand your emotions and define what you’re struggling with and what’s bothering you.”

She says, “Journaling can also be a very helpful delay strategy if you feel tempted to overeat or to eat something that you know isn’t a good choice. This is particularly true if you have a sense that you’re not physically hungry, but are emotionally hungry, and don’t know what to do. If you can delay your snack by writing in your journal for ten minutes before you go to the refrigerator or cabinet, you give yourself the opportunity to address the emotional state that you might not be in touch with and there’s a good chance that you’ll decide you don’t want that snack after all. Putting your thoughts and emotions down on paper can also give you a fresh perspective in figuring out what might be upsetting you or causing you to feel guilty, afraid, or stressed out. It also serves as a record of how you’re changing and the progress that you’re making. If you’re stuck in a rut, it’s a really good way to identify what’s going on, how you’re feeling about it, and what you want to change. Lots of my patients tell me how rewarding it is to look back through their journals and see that they have accomplished many of the things they set out to do—both big and small.”

Journaling is also a great way to validate yourself. The support and understanding that you got when you were losing weight can quickly disappear after you reach your goal weight because people think the struggle is over. So you have to be willing to ask for what you need and you have to be able to take care of some of your own need to be validated. The unfortunate truth is that if you don’t believe you deserve validation and are unwilling to validate yourself, it’s much harder to get it from other people.

Amy explains, “When you lose weight, it’s common for other people in your life to have feelings of envy that make it difficult for them to listen to you talk about your ongoing struggles. Not only is it sometimes hard for them to hear your issues, but it also makes them say things in response to you that may be unsupportive or even offensive. If you’re talking to people who aren’t getting your issues, it’s important to resist the idea that your issues are invalid so you don’t give up trying to communicate. What you need to do is find one person who understands you and talk with him or her about your struggles and about the others who don’t understand you.” If you can’t find someone who really understands you in your circle of family and friends, I hope you will go to a therapist or join a support group. If there’s no one you can openly talk to who can understand your struggles, it makes your challenges that much more difficult. It’s like trying to climb a mountain for the first time without a guide.

Whenever you make big changes in your life or go through a significant transformation, it’s natural to leave some of your past behind, including some of your old relationships. If someone is pulling you down, you owe it to yourself to cut those strings. On the other hand, if there are old friends or family members whom you don’t really click with anymore, but you still love them and want to keep them in your lives, there are things you can do to protect yourself from their negative influences and still maintain or even help the relationship grow in a different direction. (In chapter 3, you’ll learn how to introduce your significant other, friends, and family to the new you.)

Meanwhile, a therapist or support group can help you figure out what you’re feeling and how to deal with the people in your life who don’t understand what you’re going through. Amy says, “They can help you to articulate what your issues are and help you figure out whether you’re doing a great job of communicating and the other people are just unable to be supportive or whether you’re communicating in a way that’s difficult for others to hear. There are many levels of communication skills, so it might be that you have a deficit in your communication skill set, or it might be that the listeners have a deficit.”

Most people who lose weight get a lot of unsolicited feedback—both positive and negative. So it’s important to learn how to state your position clearly and in a way that protects your own boundaries. At first you might feel like you’re being rude when you ask people not to give you advice you didn’t ask for, but learning to assert yourself in this way can make all the difference. Most of the time people think they’re being helpful, and you have every right to let them know if they’re not.

Here are some examples of unsolicited advice that might sound familiar:

“I know you like diet soda, but you’d probably feel a lot better if you drank more water instead.”

“Now that you’ve lost weight, you could really show off your figure better if you wore different types of clothes. I’d be happy to go shopping with you.”

You can establish safe boundaries by saying something like, “I appreciate that you want to help me, but I’m not open to feedback about that,” or “I would rather not talk about that.” If you don’t feel like you deserve your own privacy and personal space, you can end up feeling very vulnerable. Feeling vulnerable can make you feel out of control and less able to stand up for yourself instead of feeling good about who you are and what you’ve accomplished.

An important part of getting to know the new you is learning how to check in with yourself so you are always in touch with how you’re feeling. The old you may have reached for food when you were stressed, without even realizing you were anxious or overwhelmed, not hungry. For your choices to support your new goal to have a healthier lifestyle, you’ll need to do everything you can to avoid slipping into “automatic pilot.” In other words, make sure you keep your hands on the steering wheel and your eyes on the road so that you are present with each situation. When you notice that your stress level is starting to affect your decisions, be proactive and reduce your stress before it leads to overeating or poor food choices.

When you’re under a lot of stress, you are not only more likely to overeat, but you are also more likely to eat foods that are high in sugar and fat. That’s just one reason that so many people gain after losing, instead of winning! But you can stop that from happening, especially if you understand why it happens and how to combat the stress in healthy ways. Knowledge is power! Dr. Hoffman says, “Researchers at the University of California–San Francisco have shown a link between chronic stress and obesity. People who have a high stress level produce higher levels of the hormone called cortisol, which often leads to increased eating of high-caloric foods and sweets. When you have high levels of cortisol circulating in your bloodstream this will increase the mobilization of protein breakdown from muscle. Also, if the raised blood sugar is not used immediately for energy use, it will be stored as abdominal fat. This is why chronic sustained stress leads to muscle loss as well as fat deposition. Loss of muscle mass is a serious problem, as muscle is metabolically very active and thus helps to increase metabolism, essential for weight loss. As cortisol is increased it continues to raise blood sugar and lead to the increase of its opposing hormone—insulin. Insulin is meant to lower the glucose whenever it is too high. If insulin production remains increased for sustained periods this can lead to a condition known as metabolic syndrome, a prediabetic condition.”

He said, “An article in New Scientist reported that Kent Berridge of the University of Michigan–Ann Arbor showed that stress might trigger binge eating by changing how you value a reward. The study showed that stress might increase your desire for a pleasurable experience while not actually increasing your sense of enjoyment. In a series of experiments, they showed that stress magnified rats’ desire to eat sugar, especially when the rats had a cue or tone to advertise the reward. It is a bit like seeing an advertisement for ice cream, which makes you desire it, he says. If you are not stressed, you can resist, but together the stress and the ad make it irresistible. Cortisol also interferes with a protein known as tyrosine, which is essential for thyroid hormone production. Excess cortisol leads to decreased thyroid function and a lowered metabolic rate, another problem in weight gain. On an average day, most people experience eight to ten major triggers to their stress response. Each time your stress response is activated and your cortisol level goes up you can experience an urge to eat something soothing or stimulating. Your stress response, also known as the fight-or-flight response, can be triggered by many everyday occurrences such as an upsetting conversation or interaction, being cut off in traffic, realizing that you left an important document at home, or not being able to find your keys.

“Not only can stress make unhealthy foods more tempting, but it can also impair your body’s process of absorbing nutrients and digesting your food. Basically, the best time to eat is when you are feeling safe and relaxed because that’s when your body can process and digest food the most efficiently and enhance your metabolism, which leads to fat loss.”

Do:

• Eat while sitting down in a relaxed atmosphere.

• Eat at a comfortable pace; stay conscious of the process.

• Chew every bite many times before swallowing.

• Set your fork or spoon down on your plate between bites.

• Take a moment to feel grateful for the food and the person or people who prepared it for you.

• Pay attention to the internal signals that tell you when you are full.

• Eat in silence for one meal each week, savoring the flavor of each mouthful of food.

• Remember that food should be valued for its nutritional traits. Continuing to eat after the point of satiety overloads the digestive system, resulting in a buildup of toxicity in your physiology. (It takes twenty minutes for your brain to know that your body is full, so wait at least that long before indulging in a second helping.)

• Learn to eat food from all six available taste groups—sweet, sour, salty, bitter, pungent, and astringent. Each different taste has a distinct yet subtle effect on your physiology.

• Eat a few pieces of freshly sliced ginger sprinkled with lemon juice fifteen minutes before a meal to kindle your taste for healthy food.

• Eat freshly prepared foods. Lightly cooked foods are preferable to overcooked foods.

• Sit quietly for a few minutes after finishing your meal. Focus your attention on the sensations in your body.

Don’t:

• Watch TV, drive, or have upsetting conversations while eating.

• Eat out of boxes or bags. Put your food on a plate or in a bowl.

• Don’t eat while highly emotional.

• Don’t eat unless you feel hungry. Think of your capacity for food as an “appetite gauge”—where number 1 on the gauge means you are famished and 10 means you are completely full. Eat when your gauge is around number 2 or 3.

• Stop eating when you’re satisfied, or when your gauge is around number 6 or 7.

• Reduce your consumption of ice-cold foods and beverages, because these can significantly reduce absorption of specific foods by diluting the acid produced by your stomach, essential for protein breakdown.

• Do not eat erratically due to high levels of stress and a busy life. This will lead to inefficient energy production, weight gain, and obesity.

Practice Lowering Your Stress

There are lots of different ways to lower your stress level. For me, a swimming pool or any body of water immediately calms me down. Taking a walk, meditating, or window shopping works for me too. For you it could be yoga, dance, hiking—the possibilities are endless. Dr. Hoffman encourages his patients to do the following breathing exercise, which comes from the practice of pranayama. The beauty of this exercise is you can do it anywhere, any time you feel like you need it (no assembly required!). He suggests that you use this technique when you’re feeling anxious or upset and when you want to quiet your mind. This exercise can also help you to relax and fall asleep.

Nadi Shodhana*

1. Place an index finger on the outside of your nose to close off your right nostril and inhale through your left nostril.

2. Place an index finger on the outside your nose to close off your left nostril and exhale through your right nostril.

3. Repeat this process three times.

4. Repeat the process three more times, only now inhale through your left nostril and exhale through your right.

* Nadi means "Channel of circulation" and shodhana means "cleaning." Nadi Shodhana is a technique to purify those channels through which energy and information flow.

While you were losing weight, you probably got a lot of positive reinforcement from the scale, the reflection you saw in the mirror, the way your clothes fit, and from your family and friends. But after you’ve maintained your weight for a few months or longer, the initial excitement of reaching your goal can begin to fade away. (No more parades thrown in your honor.) This is a critical fork in the road (pun intended) where people either learn to turn inward and rely on themselves and their coping mechanisms, or they get discouraged and turn outward, back toward overeating and other unhealthy habits. We can’t let this happen! This is when we truly find out if what we said was lip service or really “This time I’m doing it for me!”

Beth, one of the women in the Winners’ Circle, said, “I couldn’t believe how quickly the people around me took my weight loss for granted. I had gained and lost my entire life, so even though I’d only lost twenty pounds, the fact that I was keeping it off was a pretty big deal for me. But after a few months, even my family acted like I was never overweight in the first place. The compliments died out, the encouraging words dried up, and my life started to feel like nothing had changed. I had said that I lost the weight for myself that time, but when the positive feedback stopped, I realized that I was still looking for praise and acknowledgment from other people. And then I realized that I wasn’t giving those things to myself and I’d better figure out how to do that and how to enjoy my new lease on life or I’d be back at the bagel bar in no time.”

Beth sums up the same basic story that I’ve heard from many women and men who are trying to maintain their weight loss—same song, different chorus. It also points to a very important part of step 1. For you to completely appreciate and enjoy your new way of living, you have to take the party beyond your physical look and the number on the scale and begin to have a love affair with the world.

Dr. Jane Greer says, “Your love affair with the world begins by discovering what gives you the most healthy pleasure and making those things part of your life. Start to look at what you like doing and what makes you feel good (aside from food) and plan those perks into your schedule. Get out your calendar and plan a small treat for each day of the week and something really special for the weekends. And keep on going! Stay open to spontaneous opportunities to try different activities and hobbies, meet new people, and learn or experience new things. This is an aspect of life where you can have as much as you want. The sky is the limit.”

She explains, “The key to success is to feed your heart and soul, instead of your stomach. Think about what excites you and makes you feel happy and energized. It doesn’t have to be something big. Remember, it used to be something as small as a cookie or a piece of candy. Feeding your heart and soul is about taking in nourishing emotional energy, and that means giving it to yourself and getting it from other people.”

Dr. Greer suggests that you make a list of all the things you enjoy that have been getting lost in the shuffle and make them priorities. Just like you plan healthy meals instead of grabbing snacks on the run, it’s important to put time and energy into the people and activities that are most meaningful to you and help you to feel good about yourself. for example, if you’ve been wanting to take a relaxing bath, spend an hour with a friend, get a massage, have a manicure, or just take some quiet time to read or watch your favorite TV show, schedule it for a specific day and time. Write it down in your day planner or Palm Pilot and keep the appointments as you keep appointments with your coworkers, doctor, or your hair salon. She says, “Many times people feel guilty about taking care of themselves and let everyone and everything else come before them. The trouble is that if you do this you end up feeling depleted and deprived and both of those feelings can trigger a desire to fill your emotional needs with food.”

If you like reading magazines, but your stack of magazines is piling up and collecting dust, start with the one on top, tear out the articles you want to read, and carry them in your handbag, briefcase, or car. When you’re in line at the store, waiting to pick up your kids, sitting in a doctor’s office, or waiting for a meeting to start, pull out one of the articles and read it. By doing these sorts of things, you feed and nourish yourself in ways that go beyond food. And you feel a sense of accomplishment in knowing you are taking care of your own wants and desires.

A wonderful way to celebrate the new you and reinforce your self-esteem and your self-worth is to treat yourself like royalty. You’ve worked hard to get to this point and you deserve to reward yourself and feel like a queen or a king as often as you can. The better you treat yourself, the more you start to believe that you deserve to be treated well—and then the better you treat yourself. You’ve been caught in enough vicious cycles in your life to know how a cycle works. So use that know-how to create a victory cycle. Now that’s beauty!

If you have a budget that will allow you to spend some money on your own pleasure and comforts, take advantage of it. If you don’t, you can still treat yourself like you treat your best houseguests without spending a dime. Think of it as four-star living on a shoestring budget. Use the thick, fluffy towels you keep in the back of the closet for company. Eat dinner on your favorite plates. Use your china and crystal. Spend time in your living room when you don’t have company. (There’s a reason it’s called a living room! Make the name fit.) Take the plastic covers off your furniture and find out how comfortable it is without them. Sit on your sofa, or better yet, lounge on it, instead of just admiring it when you walk by. Wear the clothing and perfume you’re saving for a hot date or a special occasion and sleep in your sexiest nightgowns, even when you’re alone. (You can’t feel good in your sleep shirt that has food stains on it!) Recycle your jumbo plastic tumbler and drink from pretty glasses that you like to look at and hold. Pull your best handbags out of storage and wash your hands with those pretty little soaps that are collecting dust in your guest bathroom. Say good-bye to depriving yourself of life’s finer things, beginning with the ones under your own roof, and say hello to celebrating the new you and your new way of life!

Copyright © 2008 by Stacey Halprin

The information and advice herein is not intended to replace the services of trained health professionals, or be a substitute for medical advice. Before beginning any weight loss or diet program, you are advised to consult with your health care professional, including with respect to any consideration to gastric bypass surgery and all matters relating to your health.