New Year, New Promises, New Lie…

Are we going to lie to ourselves yet one more year by telling ourselves that this is the year we’ll lose our weight? Each year at the stroke of midnight I’d tell myself that my new life would begin. The ball would drop and then I’d say, “Well tomorrow morning could be the start of my new day.” Morning would come, and before you knew it (as I’m picking at the leftovers), I’m telling myself I’ll begin on the 5th… then the 10th… and so the lie begins. Let’s be truthful this year and set realistic goals. If you have a single thought telling you that you can do it on your own… well that’s the biggest lie of all!

The next lie I told myself was that going to a shrink or eating healthy foods was too expensive (at the time I was on SSI). If you’re real honest with yourself about what kind of money you spend on your binge foods, then you’ll come to realize you’ve also found your pot of gold! Just for the record, for those of you who have written to me over and over about how expensive it is to make diet meals, I say it’s time to look at the truth! When you add it all up at the end, protein foods like chicken and turkey, your vegetables and fruits do not cost as much as what is spent on your other groceries and binge foods. Finding a support team is the most important thing you can do. It might be a friend or friends that you can share what you’re going through with, a therapist to deal with the issues that make you eat in the first place, or going to online support groups. For those of you who don’t know, many of these groups do take insurances, even Medicaid!

I also want to recommend something that helps keep me motivated. I faithfully watch the show “The Biggest Loser”. The season premier began Jan. 1st, so if you missed it, please tune in next Tuesday night on NBC. Watching people change their lives is very motivating to me; in fact, I have a ritual that I do for health reasons. I’m supposed to drink 100 oz. of water a day which I have so much trouble getting down, so every Tuesday I drink huge amounts of water while watching The Biggest Loser. I do not agree 100% with everything on the show, for instance: how much they focus on the numbers on the scale. But man! Seeing them lose that weight and all the exercise they do makes me motivated! For you it may not be water, so how about you agree to exercise during all the commercials? Watching that show is free, try it!

I wish you all the happiest New Year ever and for this to be your year of stopping the lies. “To my vow I hold true, I will not go back!”

With Love and faith of losing to win!
Stacey

Don't hide in your winter coat!

Uh oh guess what's coming? Winter, the season we are tempted not to exercise any more cause its too cold out and you don't want to get out and walk or go to the gym.The season we are most tempted to stay inside. Get out the stretch pants and vegitate on the couch like the potatoes we really are. Mmmmmm hot cocoa sounds perfect and don't forget the mini marshmellows. We eat all winter and gain the weight that we are going to have to lose come spring for the summer season. Hey, in that winter coat no one can really tell i'm gaining weight! Lets not do it this yr and lets not wait for new years to make that resloution that we never keep anyway.By the time new yrs comes we have already packed on the pounds from thanksgiving,christmas,channukkah and kwanza. When it comes to eating on the holidays i take on everyones religion! Lets get it right this time. The first two yrs after my gastric bypass surgery i did not do the holidays because i was not confident i could handle it. It took a few years in recovery to go back to the tables(sounds like i'm going to vegas) lol! Break the cycle you can do it! Don't tell me you can't do away with the holidays one year to get a lifetime of happiness! If you must do the holidays prepare ahead of time or i'm telling you now you are doomed. In my upcoming blogs i will be talking about healthy subsitutions and new behaviors. TO MY VOW I HOLD TRUE I WILL NOT GO BACK! happy holidays to one and all.... stacey

"The Dating Game"

It has been a month since last time I blogged,I felt it was time.Have any of you losers(and i mean weight)lost most or all of your weight and started back dating?HOLY COW!!! My real age and dating age are two different numbers. When it comes to knowing how to do this thing called "dating" pardon my french but I suck at it! I may look mature and act sophisticated on the outside but when it comes to dating my age is about 17 and its getting older all the time which is a good thing. The big issue for me is the body image problem, some of you may have more or less of it depending from where you came physically and emotionally but coming from a three hundred pound weight loss it has been a big issue.First of all they already think something must be a little wrong with me as i have never been married yet. In a lot of cases they may have cause to be worried, I don't feel i want to blurt out my whole history to every man i meet or date because if the truth be known i was married, to my food addiction that is ,which came in the form of a large monkey on my back and unless i feel safe to share these thoughts or think that this man may have potential for me why else would i share this info? The first yr dating I blurted out all my imperfections on the first or second date.I wanted to warn them all ahead of time and I had this idea if i showed them my body right away if i was rejected at least i had not fallen for them yet which would mean less hurt. The problem with that was I have never been nor ever will be a promiscuous women, so that behavior did not last long. Now it is five and a half yrs later since my gastric bypass surgery and even with eleven plastic surgeries it will never be right. However the lucky part is that with my clothes on nobody would ever have believed i had once weighed 500 pounds! I'm doing a lot better at not chasing men off so fast but I still have a ways to go, In my heart I want to believe that I will fall in love someday with a man who can in fact look past all the imperfections and love me the way I deserve to be loved the way everybody deserves to be loved .Inside of me is a very sensual women just waiting to come out of her shell but waiting for someone I am sure I can trust. My vow holds strong I will not go back!!! xo stacey

living in the gray

I don't know about you but when my life isn't totally exciting or on the opposite spectrum really low and sometimes dramatic,i find it hard to know how to live. We as addicts are used to black and white thinking but i have found on my journey towards recovery that life has a lot of gray in between Moments in life which i call gray days.Those days when it seems you have nothing to look forward to and their is nothing dramatic going on. Regular old days are the hardest for me. I sometimes don't know how to function without excitement or drama whether it be bad or good. I know it is important for me to learn to live in the gray because in most people's lives that makes up most the majority of their time.I feel particularly lonely without excitement. When i was 550 lbs there was always something dramatic going on and as i lost weight there was a tremendous amount of excitement but now i am in the gray again and trying to be ok with it. I know there is always excitement around the corner but i must learn to function when life is quiet. I would love to hear if anyone out there can relate to this gray day syndrome? with love..... stacey

The day that changed my life …

Hi my friends
I could not miss blogging today, this being such an important day in history and in my life personally. I watched the memorial on television today and still can not believe the tragedy of the whole thing. All those innocent lives lost and the poor people left behind to carry on. My heart and prayers are with them all. I sit here and think how six years ago today was a changing point in my life. Living so close to “ground zero” I remember the horror I felt not only for those people but also for myself. I was over 500 pounds and stuck in my elevator apartment building. I didn’t know if my building was next, how would I get out? If I did get out, where was I going? People were running around like crazy, I couldn’t run, I could barely walk. Something clicked that day and I new if I lived through this I had to make a big change in my life, the rest is history and an ongoing one at that.

I wanted to share two important things with you today on this important anniversary for me. The first is “let the shopper beware”. Wow, I mean wow! I know when it comes to food I am an addict. I also know that I am not cured and right now I have the “tiger by the tail” but I have to watch those addictive patterns. I mean with the shopping. In the past whatever money I had went for two things; one being food (that is obvious) and the other being my beauty. My make-up and personal things like that. Oh, right once in awhile I paid a bill or two. Very little went for shopping. Who could shop? They didn’t have drive thru shopping, (emmm an idea). I had a dress maker who once or twice a year I picked out material and she made me outfits. That was shopping. Now that I don’t spend as much time and money on eating I spend a lot of time walking and “window shopping” and sometimes that is exactly what I do… I buy the window!! I have to stop, it is like I am trying to make up for all the lost years. It is great to go into a store and buy something off the rack and on sale. Whew! What a concept. Then living in Manhattan doesn’t help… the shopping capital of world. Okay breathe deeply, I’ll be all right! Seriously I have to, we have to watch out for these substitutions of one addiction for another some can be expensive, and some can be dangerous all can be costly. Let’s keep in touch about this and talk about it.

The other thing I wanted to share with all of you especially those of you in the Tri-state area. On September 29th I will be at the NY City "Walk from Obesity" event at Riverside Park in Manhattan at 97th Street signing books starting at 9:30am for this all day event. If you are interested in walking go to www.walkfromobesity.com. You can also make donations. I have to admit at first I thought it was kind of funny (I always use my sense of humor, it has gotten me through my worst of times) a walk-a-thon for obese people. We can’t walk, where are we going? Now an eat-a-thon, now there we would raise some serious money. Seriously, it is a great cause and many participants walk on behalf of those unable to do so, because obesity has stolen their mobility, dignity, hope or life. So many people have loved ones in their family who suffer from this disease. Things have to change. More medical research, insurance attitudes and laws have to change too. This can all start with your help and participation. So if you can please help!
If possible come on down and see me, we can chat a bit, I would love to meet you!

So on this memorable day I hope that you all have a peaceful day and it too can be a pivotal day in your life too!

With love
Stacey

no stone un turned!

Hi Everyone

Once again I learn not to speak so fast. I wrote to all of you on August 17th that I would be going in for a surgery. A procedure, I was not to be worried about. Yes, it was for kidney stones, very painful kidney stones that needed to be removed but it was going to be done “laparoscopicly”. Basically a couple of little holes, a TV. camera, a probe, clip here, clip there, stitch there, all done! Considering what I have been through in the past, this was going to be a piece of cake, (one I did not have to worry about the calories for). Did I learn a lesson, “there is no such thing as a simple surgery”! The operation was a success except “the patient nearly died”. I am still in horrible pain; my ribs feel like a steam roller has gone over them. I am blogging from my bedroom. My hospital stay was miserable; I had blood transfusions, who would believe it, a simple surgery. Yet I sit here and think to myself if this was 6 years ago, I would have died. Who would have operated on me at over 500 pounds and would have I pulled through such an operation.
When things seem to be there gloomiest is when I have to look at that glass as half full. My glass is spilling over with joy, happiness, luck (a little pain) and plenty thankfulness! I have come a long way baby and have such a far way to go yet.
My friends I hope you keep blogging I will try to blog more often and I will be getting to your personal emails as soon as I can. There are a lot of those and I am not the fastest typist. Let’s all keep in touch and let’s remember “to count our chickens when they are fried” also not take things for granted, like a simple surgery.
Have a winning day!

Stacey

oprah mail

DEAR FRIENDS,
SINCE THE MAY SHOW OF MY OPRAH APPEARANCE WAS REBROADCAST ON AUGUST TENTH I HAVE GOTTEN SO MUCH E MAIL. I AM GETTING READY TO GO IN FOR YET ANOTHER SURGERY NEXT WEEK AND IT HAS KEPT ME FROM BEING ABLE TO GET TO ALL THE MAIL. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME I WILL GET TO ALL YOUR LETTERS AND QUESTIONS WHEN I AM OUT OF SURGERY AS I WILL HAVE SOME DOWN TIME. YOUR LETTERS OF ENCOURAGEMENT MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND I THANK YOU SO MUCH. THIS TIME I AM NOT GOING IN FOR RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY. I HAVE A BIG CALCIUM KIDNEY STONE WHICH HAS BEEN CAUSING ME A LOT OF PAIN FOR TWO YEARS. I AM THANKFUL TO FINALLY HAVE IT REMOVED AND I AM GREATFUL THAT SINCE I AM NO LONGER MORBIDLEY OBESE I DO NOT HAVE TO BE CUT OPEN, I CAN HAVE LAPROSOPIC SURGERY ! YAY! THIS ALONE WAS A REASON TO LOSE WEIGHT. WHEN YOU ARE MORBIDLEY OBESE AND YOU NEED ANY KIND OF SURGERY EVERYTHING FROM GETTING ON A GURNEY TO FITTING ON A HOSPITAL BED IS ALL MORE DIFFICULT. LETS ALL KEEP GOING SO LIFE CAN BE EASIER!!